Patricia Ann Wilder Litfin

Pat Litfin, My Mom

-even her doctors describe her as “a very lovely 90 year old female”

Saturday, May 30, 2025

11:34am

As I sit vigil by my mother’s side, her breath raspy and her desire to talk still keen, I am filled with equal parts dread and appreciation for both her pending end-of-life, and the life she has given me. 

My mom was many things before becoming my parent. A Southern California native; an older sister to Sue Giannelli; a Gargoyle and life-of-the-party at Eagle Rock High School; a young stock market board clerk at E.F.Hutton; a Stanford University student; a graduate from San Diego Sate. She was a pilot’s wife, a kindergarten teacher, a volunteer in the community, homeowner, innkeeper, and a dear friend to so many. She taught elementary school in Burlingame for 25 years. She ran a summer cabin business in her beloved Idyllwild mountains, was a Master Bridge Player, and later, a Master Wordler.

My mom navigated the 70’s as a single parent during turbulent times, but she created a world for me to be who I wanted to be, go where I wanted to go, do what I wanted to do. She taught me about loyalty and caring for the less fortunate. She modeled what it meant—she didn’t lecture. Her motto was her father’s, which she repeated often so my late brother Matt and I knew we were her first priorities: “Family first, the rest be damned.” But she never meant it like that: she cared about, and for, so many others in the world. (My favorite kind of bleeding heart liberal.) Her sense of humor was wry and keen, and she taught me the grace of saving face. 

My mom supported my college aspirations, and my art career with both her adoration, and pocketbook. She rarely (!) judged my self-propelled, often indulgent, life’s interests. She believed in me and I knew that. She loved and supported my husband Hugh and her granddaughters Colvin and Kenna. How lucky to have such deep and meaningful connections with your family, she would tell me every day.

My mom cared deeply about the English language and was quite a wordsmith. We often rolled our eyes when someone didn’t know the appropriate use of “fewer” and “less.” Some of her final spoken words were “inch by inch life’s a cinch; yard by yard—life is hard.” I’d like to add: ‘day by day, you’ll be okay,’ as she taught me from an early age: This Too Shall Pass. She also had a great memory and love for poetry. I may have rolled my eyes at a few Thanksgiving dinners when a lightbulb went on and she began to recite the thirteen-verse “Thais” for the umpteenth time to a rapt dinner crowd. (I was mostly concerned she might forget the words but she never did. It was epic.) She loved reading Robert Service and we cried over T.S. Elliot (“April is the cruelest month, breeding / lilacs out of the dead land, mixing / memory and desire, stirring / dull roots with spring rain”), because of course, life is not always roses.

My mom loved watching tennis (Serena, her forever favorite) and baseball (Giants/Dodgers/Giants…). She loved her garden, bringing small things back to life. She loved driving and naming her cars: her first, a Model A (Mehidable), and last (Thor), and finally her walker (Flash). She loved living for her family and never lost heart or faith. She always picked herself up when times were rough and carried on with few complaints. She was proud of saying, “I can always do without.”

We recently had the good fortune of moving my mom from her home of 60 years in San Mateo to the Redwoods Retirement Community near us in Mill Valley so she never had to “do without.” This final chapter brought new life and spirit into her story. She has met beautiful people and found resounding support and love in her new environs. As I sit with her now I know she would rather be in her apartment and with you all instead of being so fussed over. But that’s how life is. 

Time of Death: 8:38pm, Sunday. 

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want…

Patricia Ann Litfin (nee Wilder)

July 9, 1934 - June 1, 2025.